So it’s officially May 1 and it is currently snowing outside. And to be honest, I have been feeling pretty fucking depressed about the whole thing and I think that my life is showing the wear and tear of this ugly fucking weather.
So a ton has happened since my last post, I admit. I’ve just not felt like writing, a kind of writer’s block fueled by not really knowing myself what to write about. But here I am tonight, at a very late hour (1:14 a.m.), trying to post something that’s meaningful to my fans (there’s only one)!
So where do I start? My job is going to shit and one of my best friendships has gone to hell in a handbasket. Relationships with the opposing sex have been insignificant at best. My boy, Mr. M. did actually move away and I text him from time to time with good responses about his well-being and him being happy about being home. But I made the stupid mistake of telling him that I’m still missing him and there was no reply. Guess he really has no reason to miss me…
On the Mr. Liar front (the sex offender), I stupidly and drunkenly spoke with him a few weeks and because of my drunken state, I don’t know what was said. But I don’t think anything much was said because last weekend I saw him at my watering hole and we did not speak…or even look each other in the eye.
Update on Mr. Vegas…he’s a fucking ass and I would like to teach him a few things about the things that you don’t do to a girl (my girlfriend who he was harassing) who’s got a boy. Even after she and her boy broke up he was being very forward and persistent despite the fact that she was making her best effort to avoid him. So for me…so much for my idea that he was a great guy and ‘potential’ dating material for me.
There has been a lot more boy drama going on in my life but nothing to really go into right now. Perhaps I will write about it at another date when I have some more time and patience. Because all that shit has just taken some patience on my part. Fuck men.
My job, that I’ve been at for nearly two years, has been in the dumps. Out of eight or so employees in the shop, four have been laid off and I’ve been cut to 32 hours a week. Something that really fucking pisses me off is that I and the shop folk are suffering because of the lack of business but our sales manager still is being paid her same salary and acts like she’s so hurt and affected by the whole situation but when it all comes down to it, she’s not affected by it at all. I do not really like this woman to begin with but when she says that she’s so upset…..fuck her. She’s not feeling the financial burden that the rest of us are.
I had a conversation with my boss about a month and a half ago or maybe two…he basically told me that I should keep my options open unless things pick up some (or a ton as he alluded).
So in the past week or two we have been starting to get some orders trickling in. And in the time before these orders have come in I have kept my ears to the ground, “keeping my options open.” And an option came up before we started getting orders (albeit, not as many as we’re used to).
I love my job. I do feel like I waste a TON of my time and I would be better at a job that kept me busy and kept me learning. But at the same time, I get paid to do NOTHING at work…my boss has allowed me to bring a book to work and I’ve been reading voraciously lately. But at the same time, I get to take my dog to work, I’m on a relatively (when it’s full time) loose schedule, and it works perfectly with me being able to help my mom out at her restaurant at night.
But I also feel that I’m not being pushed or used to my full potential at ALL! And if I did get this job I would learn more, I would be pushed to work more, and it would not be tolerated that I fuck off like I’m allowed to at my current job.
As much as I (and all of us) like fucking around at work, those of us who DO have the opportunity to be bored at work….we HATE it in the long run. We are not being used to our full potential and I personally feel like some talents that I have are going to waste. I’m UNlearning the things that I was born and also trained to do.
Basically, my job is completely not fulfilling to me and as much as I like reading at work….I fucking LOVE IT…that is not how I should use my intelligence in the workforce. I should not bide my time in a seemingly dead job when I have the opportunity to come into something that could potentially be a very long term situation.
I absolutely feel that I am a shoe-in for the job. The people know about me and my experience in this and my last job should give them ample reason to hire me.
But I shouldn’t count my chickens before they hatch.
So back to the man sitch…no solid men in my life right now. There are a few that I’m interested in but none that totally stick in my mind like peanut butter. I feel like I’ve started looking desperate. I made a pact with myself that I am not going to have sex for a month and, to be honest, I went two weeks and ended up sleeping with this cute 22 year old after hanging out three times. Mr. Sister’s Car (he doesn’t own one, go figure, but he is allowed his sister’s car from time to time) is cute and funny but he is 22 and after having him once in my bed and being good…the second time I couldn’t resist. And it was a definite faux pas that I gave in. But I have to say it was good.
And then there’s Mr. INL. He’s an ex of my (kinda distant) friend and we totally hit it off talking a few times and one night we ended up making out (it was fabulous) but since then he has texted me saying that he has some weird virus (he says it’s ebola or something like it) so I’m wondering what the fuck. So I guess when he’s ‘better’ we’ll run into each other and see where it goes from there. But weird really…..ebola????
So I’m pathetic….and I need to stop being so impressionable by men. Fuck them.
And it’s time for me to go to bed…well way too far past my (late late) bedtime. My shit’s a story to tell? Or just shit?
