I have been pretty much been stood up.
It’s not a feeling that I’ve ever known.
Because I don’t make plans.
For this reason.
I hate to be let down.
Even a call
would fix it all
But Don’t leave me hanging. I don’t like it at all.
How would you feel?
Or is it your other that makes you change your mind?
Allright I am not great at poetry. It’s not poetry. Just sentences.
I’m not pissed but disappointed. Because I thought he was different from that. Will he call me tomorrow to apologize or is he just like his best just thinking that I’m only good for things that are opportunistic? I thought he was different. I think I give a lot of people the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn’t. And at the same time I say how jaded I am.
Jaded in relationships, yes. Friendships? I give everything that I have to those that I find to be friends. Guess it’s too easy to become my friend. Maybe I should be jaded about that too.
Why do people like me or want to be around me? Excepting my good friends, I’m not sure. But why do I like them? Do they talk to me about my life like my good friends do? And do half of the people I consider friends really care?
I have few solid friends that I can say whatever comes to my mind. The one I most trust is far away and I can’t even tell her the shit that I’ve been doing lately.
I’m lonely. But at the same time, who else who is sane is awake at 3:45 a.m.? Guess it’s just me. But between the wine and the time at night, am I sane???
Probably more emotional than I should be. But I suppose if I’m emotional right now then it’s in the back of my head all the time…just comes out when I’m alone and have time to think by myself.
And then it comes right back to me being by myself. I preach and preach how much I love being by myself. But the whole thing is, I think, is not wanting to answer to someone else. I don’t want to have to be worried about my other. I don’t want my other to worry either. It should be a trust. Trust and communication is key to me.
But that seems really easy to me. And then again, I’m single. Guess it just takes the right people to be able to communicate and trust one another…hahaaaa! There it is again.
I suppose easier said than done. That’s the clincher. Easier said than done.
It’s easier for me to write about it I guess because verbal communication is not on the top of my list of strengths. It may be one of the top on the list of my weaknesses. But if it matters to me at least I think I try. And trying is better than doing nothing.
And nothing is the end of communication.
Should I wait for his call of apology or just forget? Forget I met those two people…erase like I did with the pink pencil eraser that I did when I was little…? I messed up when it was easy to erase the “s” and write on top an “e”? Or is the ‘e’ wrong too? Sure wish it was as easy as picking a letter………
No, I don’t. Although sometimes I wish it was easy, I understand that life can’t be easy. I would be bored if it was. Even the most mundane person would get tired of being mundane if there wasn’t some kind of allure to life for them. Well, I guess…I wouldn’t know? I suppose their excitement and mine are VERY much different.
But we are not all that different. Really, we want to be liked and accepted. I don’t care how many times I hear people say that they don’t care what other people say about them…me included. You can say that, and to an extent it is true. But there is a part of every strong person who puts that criticizm into their hearts and thinks about it. And mulls over whether it’s true or not. And the more that those people (in their heads) think about it the more they worry about it. And if you have to think about it that hard, then there is at least an ounce of truth in it. That’s when coming to terms with weaknesses comes into play.
It’s hard to hear the truth. And if it’s a hard truth people are more suceptible to be pissed about it. Because in one way or another, it may be true. Maybe not directly but if a person has a hard time hearing criticizm, that means, maybe, that they know that somewhere in their lives it’s true.
I’m guilty of this and I don’t think you are a living and breathing and caring person if you are not guilty of that sometime in your life.
Every human being has regrets. And a little something in their closets that they are not proud of.
But I believe that those pink shoes in the closet, those hidden magazines in the attic, that bong under your bed, the porn your garage, the spending you do on eBay (poker)…
Are what make people PEOPLE.
The overspenders, the overeaters, the underachievers, the undereducated, the overpriveliged, the free spirits, the pennypinchers, the I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck-About-Anything fuckers…….
They are all people. Right or wrong. They are all people.
