Hey y’all, I know it’s been forever. But I’m just writing to say that I’ve got a one track mind these days. Not for so many days but I don’t think that necesarily matters.
My mind is on my man. Who I met in the most improbable ways. I didn’t think it would last. Like all the others. I showed him a part of me that not too many people know about…and that was right away. I was leery.
But despite my worries, I feel that he is the one for me at this point. I brag about him to all. But am I setting myself up for something?
I think he’s excited to see me. And maybe impressed that I would fly miles and miles to see him.
Miss him more than miles can say. He mellows me. I need him to mellow me.
I go a thousand miles equipped with my wit and recipes to make him happy. But still it’s just me. And it’s just him. What are his expectations?
What do we have in common I was asked. To be honest, I’m not quite sure except for the fact that we are…..maybe ready to deal with eachother. And be happy to know and accept eachother’s faults. I love the faults that he’s given me and expect more. And I think he knows some of mine. But I feel that I want to tell him more. Lots more. And I hope that he feels that same way.
I love that he is dedicated to his daughter. And I love that I’m respectful of that. And I love his demeanor when he’s around me. He knows that he doesn’t have to dote on me, which makes me feel that I don’t always have to dote on him.
Though at this point, I’m willing to dote. But only to a point because I know (think) he doesn’t want someone to be doting and or needy.
I know he knows that I’m a pretty independent gal. But I can’t stop the nagging feeling that I DO need him. I am starting to feel that I can’t not be his baby.
His friends are excited to meet me. Ok, well the one I’ve spoken to. His heeler. In roping terms. That is a huge friendship. And this guy wants to know me. So at least I know that my man has been talking at least a little. Especially when this friend said that I would get along with his wife. I asked why and he said that my man said that I’m an open and fun person. And get along with people.
I think maybe I proved that to him the night before he left. I had gotten off work and wanted to mellow out and relax for a bit and my man was already out and socializing. We talked for a bit and he made a point of making sure that I was ok with him fraternizing with people while I mellowed out for a bit. Of course, my mind was with him and I respected him for letting me know that he was with me but while I was mellowing out, he would be chit-chatting. Kissed me. Eventually I came around and that was the night that he told me he was falling for me hard.
I was falling for him too for the same reasons. We can be together but not worry necessarily about being hip to hip all the time.
But now that it’s a far away relationship (and I DO consider it a relationship, despite my normal tendencies), it makes everything different. The term ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ is growing more and more of a belief for me.
I have days that I don’t hear from him. Like three or four days. And I start freaking out. I get pissy (sorry to those who have to deal with me), but in the end, at least for now, I get tenpence back.
I know my man is excited to have me down in his element and his town. I just have to keep in mind that it’s harder for men sometimes (especially in front of roping buddies and his daughter) to spout what he feels. I just have an innate feeling that he is feeling me and how I feel about being away from him; it’s just harder for him to express it than it is for me at this point.
Some women would worry that there might be another woman in the picture of a long distance relationship. For some reason I have no feeling that he would do that. I suppose that if that were to happen he would be in the perfect situation to just stop communication completely. I first think that he’s more respectable than that, and I don’t think that he would disrespect me. Second, he would not have told his heeler that I was coming to visit and also let me talk to this man….if he wasn’t stoked. Yeah, Texas is a big state….but I think he knows a bit about the rumor mill.
I think that I can trust him. I do trust him. Now I will meet his heeler’s wife. I’ve been told that we’ll get along….I am more worried about that than how my man and I will.
Granted we don’t have a lot in common, but at the same time……I’m a supporter as long as my man is a supporter in return. In the long run I suppose….as long as we are dedicated to eachother and support eachother in our endeavors…..that’s what life is to me.
In a perfect world at this exact point that I’m writing right now……I will support him in he and his heeler’s roping endeavors….and be there for all the highs and lows. And of course beyond that. I will help him as much as I possibly can. I have not said that in my life but….maybe never. I will be a friend to his daughter and give her as much as I can. I want to meet her and be a cool person in her life.
Ok, I’m a supporter, that I’m willing to give. Now here are mine…..can he support me me in any endeavor that I choose to undertake? It’s no secret that I want to expand my trade knowledge. Is he willing to stay with me with just the knowledge that I’m coming home to he and his daughter every night and also want to expand my education?
Basically can we find a way to find both of our dreams? WOW.
Talk about empiphany……
I want to be with him. And I want to support him. Do our support systems mesh????
I want him to suceed. Can he do that for me? I really hope that we can accomplish things together with eachother’s support.
0 Responses to “Too Loud to Say…”