The Particles…

So I’m a fan of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” There is a scene in which the little cowboy kid who watches too much television decides that he’s going to, as the rest of the bad little kids, experiment on something they should not. Well, this cowboy kid went through the particles and became small enough to be on Mr. Wonka’s television.
If you watch the movie like I have, you’ll remember the ‘particles’ that floated above everybody’s head in the process of Mr. Bang Bang kid to become one of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid……..and what was his demise?
Well I find myself right now as those ‘particles.’ I’m in perpetual motion; not really knowing what’s going to happen on the other side.
What’s on the other side? I don’t want to be particles….
Texas is calling….but is it?
School is calling….but how can I move on when I’m waiting for Texas?
I want Texas to call my name. No bluff. Just real. I could do it and would if Texas just called for me.
But I’m not sure that will happen.
And then I think I’ll just do it on my own. I do know that I need to get the eff out of the situation that I’m in. I’m not happy really. And life is too short to be unhappy.
School is a really great option. I need to do that. But I suppose I have until December to figure it out.
And I won’t let Texas go at this point. I need that Texan. I want that Texan.
But at the same time I feel like I need a BIG fucking change in my life and if it’s getting enough balls to move to T by myself….I need that.
I should just grow a pair and get the fuck out of here even if it’s hard for a bit. As long as I can pay for my house and my cell…….I’m still young enough to pick up and go.
I hate my day job. And Louie freaks the fuck out of me and I can’t do anything right. Despite my love for my job with my mother……I’ve got to do SOMETHING! And if I went to the extreme and got the fuck outta here……it’s scary. But….if I’m going to do it I better do it now. And if Texas doesn’t work……well, at least I tried.
And for me to not try will eat me up inside if I don’t do SOMETHING….fuck this place that I love so much.
I’m not codependent. But that Texan has me thinking and considering myself a ‘particle.’
I want to not be a particle for very long. Something’s goota give. Either me getting out and doing my shit or going to Texas to really do something crazy.
Might be time for something crazy. I’m only young once.