Apparently I’m going on a date with my boyfriend…..but as friends.
I don’t know how not to talk to him in some way. I was talking to him (via text message) about football. He said that he was done with a book that I’d recommended to him. And there’s a movie based on the book. So he asked me to go.
He asked me out on a date. We’ve decided to go ‘dutch,’ which is silly but okay with me.
I know that we need to get back to us, as friends, as best friends, first.
We need to be able to talk like we used to.
I feel like I can do that…..but sometimes when I even look at him, I get annoyed about the things that bug me about him.
I should be able to look at him and love things about him.
There are things I do love about him. But it seems like those things that I so much love about him I don’t see anymore. Is it me being nit-picky?
I used to make him laugh. But it seems I have nothing funny to say anymore.
Gotta figure it out. Some minutes I want to work it out. Other minutes, I wonder if it’s worth it anymore. We forgot how to make each other happy.
Can we remember? I don’t even remember what happened to put us in this situation. Neither does he. I would like to be able to pin-point the moment when things started falling apart.
Maybe moving in together? But if we can’t live together, how can we progress? I don’t feel like we rushed in to anything. Perhaps I’m just a really bad roommate who gets pissed about every little thing.
Which is true. But I suppose I’ve lived by myself for so long it’s hard to have somebody not do things my way. And he says that the little things shouldn’t matter. But when it’s a bunch of little things all added up….it becomes a big thing.
I’m in the process of thinking at this point. I am doing some long hard thinking about what I can do to make things better. I’ve come up with a lot of things. But how much am I willing to bend? How much am I willing to look over?
